Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
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