I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
