Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
HIV tests are more positive than that guy
There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
