So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
