I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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