if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
