GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
