In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
