What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Randomize
