Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize