i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
