i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I'm always down for nudity.
Randomize
