paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
