So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize