"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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