Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
