This is not my ceiling
I can text with my tongue
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
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