i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
