Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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