so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
