I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Randomize
