I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
