Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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