I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
