I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
