We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
