she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize
