I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
this just has baby written all over it
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Randomize