You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
