i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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