hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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