So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
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