Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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