1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
