Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Randomize
