If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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