Just mADE A PArabola og urine
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
