Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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