my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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