Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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