So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
