pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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