i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
