your thong is hanging out like whoa
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
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