Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize