Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Randomize
