FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
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