Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
