why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
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