You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Randomize
