either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
