No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Welp...herpes.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
