i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
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