and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
