I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
