Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
So much rum. So many feels.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
