that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Green mimosas i think yes
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
Randomize