i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
