Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
