I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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