she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
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