I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Randomize
