It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
