All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
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