your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
i want to swaddle you in tequila
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
