so explain again why im purple
no
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
