and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
