Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
