I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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