guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
