I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
