my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
