you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
Randomize
