Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I stole a fireplace last night.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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