yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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