i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
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