it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
But theres a keg here and me gusta
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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