This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
