Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
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