I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
