I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Two words: blizzard sex
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
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