Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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