you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
