My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
Randomize