The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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