im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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