Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
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