3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Will you blow on my dice?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
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