it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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