Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Randomize
