My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
And then he peed in my hair
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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