Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
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