lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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