she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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