Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
