i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
