He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
