please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Randomize
