Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
