are you so shy because you have an std?
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
Randomize
