just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
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