Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
ttyl tear gas
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
