i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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