Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
The uberlube is also flammable
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Randomize
