dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
Randomize
